I’m gonna start off by prefacing this poem by saying, I’m generally pretty happy guy, it’s just that when I’m left alone with nothing accompanying me but my own thoughts it gets pretty emotional. Some stuff I’ve been struggling with lately is the future and what lies ahead, it kind of hovers over me all the time and it’s something I can’t really shake off. I’ll be brutally honest: when I was writing this I chose this structure because it seemed the easiest. Yet – as I began writing – I realized how it suited what I’ve been thinking about lately. I came to like this style because it matched my broken disconnected thoughts bouncing around in my head; for me I seem to jump from one thing to another and I like how this structure captures that.
I am Michael.
I am terribly optimistic.
I wonder what the path ahead of me has in store and try to predict its endless winding roads; branches reaching out to grasp the sky.
I hear my own breathing, making sure I’m still ticking.
I see my hands, making sure I’m still here.
I want to see it all, experience it all before I’m gone.
I am terribly afraid.
I pretend I have time.
I feel myself growing, only to fade.
I touch what will outlive me, in hopes that it will remember me.
I worry that I will be forgotten, carried away by the wind like a leaf in the fall.
I cry out, “Hear me!”
I cry out, “Remember me!” There is no response.
I am a drifting thought.
I wonder: would someone care to know me one hundred years from now?
I squirm at the pictures of me that will never express who I am.
I am a frozen face to them – an eternal expression six feet under.
I am Michael.
Dear Michael,
I’ll be honest with you, I picked your page without looking for my last required comment. I don’t know who you are, I don’t even know if you’re in my class, but I am so glad this is what my random click lead me to. This is the kinda deep posts I want to see, the ones that are purely about what you actually think about, when its just raw thoughts. Admitting that you have flaws as well, even though you’re mostly happy. This happens to me too, when times are quiet and nobody’s around thoughts of if this is the way life is going to be like when you’re gone. It was relatable, and not all prettied up with dramatic words or pauses. Just raw feeling, expressed as if you were talking to a fellow human, not your LA mark.
This was a pretty hard post to find flaws for, your grammar was great, capitalization was good, and spacing was fine. However, I think it was a tad bit too short, as the lines were very concise. While that’s great, it might help to try to expand more on what your saying.
Like I said, I’m very happy this is what my luck brought me too, and I think it would be enjoyable to meet you in person. I can’t wait to read more of your blog in the future.
-Jimmy
Hey Jimmy,
Thank you so much for reading my work! I’m so glad that you connected with it, and I hope to continue to connect as I write in my blog. When I started this up, I wanted to make my writing true to how I was actually feeling. I wanted to maintain that human touch that I think is essential to creating that bond between the reader and the author and I’m beyond happy to see that I’ve established that with you.
Sincerely,
Michael
Wow Michael! That was amazing! This piece is incredibly symbolic of not just you but a lot of the people around you. I think a lot of people could relate to your piece. The words you put together, your use of language and the way you changed the mood of this piece was quite clever! From what I read all I noticed was small grammatical errors (a few GUMPS here and there), little punctuation issues. Otherwise, this is a wonderful and incredibly symbolic piece. I can’t wait to read more!
Sincerely,
Faryal
Hey Faryal,
I’m glad you liked my work! Your appraisal of this piece is highly appreciated, I’ll make sure I do better checking for GUMPS in my work so I don’t hurt the integrity of my future work. Thank you again for taking the time to read and look over my piece!
Sincerely,
Michael
Dear Michael,
This piece is a work of art – the way you describe time, and how every human fades as time progresses was genius.
My only suggestion to you would be…… well to write more because this short piece was awesome.
From,
David
Hey David,
Thank you for taking the time to read my work. Your review of my piece means a lot to me, especially because it comes from such a talented author and lyricist such as yourself! I’ll make sure to write more and I hope to continue to please!
Sincerely,
Michael
Dearest Michael,
You have created vast world upon your page in which I see swirling winds and cacophonous pianos; You are a real artist. Beautiful lines have been written and i am unable to fathom how surely you defined the feeling of being forgotten.”I worry that I will be forgotten, carried away by the wind like a leaf in the fall, ” made picture a large oak tree and from it a single leaf floating aimlessly in the wind, beautiful and sorrow-filled. I also happened to love the line, “I want to see it all, experience it all before I’m gone,” as it is the premise of my existence. You have some great visuals presented in your words and I was hoping to have seen more with actual photographs , as I believe it would have added a beautiful extra touch to the piece. The world is an endless expanse , just as you seem to be .
Yours Lovingly,
Paromitha
Hey Paromitha,
Your insightful appraisal of my work has truly touched me, thank you very much! I’m glad to see that some of my lines in my work have popped out and I’m glad you enjoyed the imagery I tried to create. I had never thought to add pictures to this post, and I see now that it really could have made this piece one step better. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind next time I write a post!
Sincerely,
Michael